My husband and I love being volunteers with the local Capernaum
team… incredible leaders with commitment and passion through changing life
seasons… they began as college students, most have gotten married, and several
have kids now but continue to serve as volunteer leaders.
When we returned from Peru to live in Fresno and joined the
team this past year, we began to get to know their high school friends.
Christian, my husband, became friends with Nate right away. Nate is one of the
most creative people I have ever met. He invents all kinds of animals, characters
and even robots out of recyclables. Nate is an expert on anything from the world
of Sci-Fi and Christian and Nate became fast friends on that basis. Christian
also has a deep appreciation for one of Nate’s characteristics that not
everyone appreciates quite as much. Through Christian’s eyes, I am coming to
value this about Nate too… Nate is more genuine, honest, and authentic than
anyone I have ever met. Nate will tell you what he sees, what he thinks, how
you look, and who you are.
Nate and Christian talk on the phone quite a bit and this
year has been Nate’s last as a high school Capernaum friend, so we’ve been
working on transition. It hasn’t been easy for Nate, but he and Christian
continue to talk through it… they talk through the changes and challenges of
life with a frankness and an openness that is so real it can be startling. Last week when I was at a community Bible
study for some of our older friends that Nate has been becoming a part of, I
heard some of his honesty and it embarrassed me….
We were talking about friendship and how a friendship with
God is what motivates us to have conversation with Him in prayer. Nate spoke
up… “I have one friend who talks to me often, but its hard because he is
married… to her…” (Nate points at me accusingly). “He can’t be my best friend
because he is hers… and its hard. Its hard being married to her too, he told me
that…” This is where I wanted to either defend myself, scold Nate’s “inappropriateness,”
ask my husband ‘WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN TELLING HIM?” or hide under the table. I
just laughed. I realized that Christian has been real with Nate too. Marriage
is hard. Relationships are hard. Transition is hard. Life is hard, but when we
pretend its not, sugar coat things, and act as though its all beautiful and
easy, we aren’t being very honest and we certainly aren’t helping one another
by denying the challenge. Christian has been real with Nate as he navigates
changes, relationships, and his life… and Nate understands that even a marriage
is challenging, but that God is the only friend who will ALWAYS be available to
him. Nate was quick to point out that most friends are unavailable at some
point, but this idea of God being available at all times and not ever hard to
get along with meant the world to someone whose honesty often isolates him.
Christian and I laughed later as I relayed the story. Nate’s
honestly is refreshing and he gets it… a relationship with God means being understood.
All other relationships become clouded by our humanness… I can’t be offended by
Nate’s clarity or honesty, I can learn from it though. Perhaps if we were all a little more honest
with one another and not so quick to respond with the first 14 responses of defensiveness
that jumped into my mind, we’d feel a little more free to be where we are and
find the kind of acceptance that Nate finds in his friendship with Christian,
and ultimately with Christ. We call
Autism a disability, but I am learning instead to call Nate an authentic and
honest friend. Perhaps its me that is
more disabled at times by my “appropriate, polite, and kind” ways and my
quickness to judge “appropriate” and “inappropriate” behavior without hearing
my friend’s heart that is just speaking truth.
Thanks, Nate, for keeping it real! We love you!
